Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
