I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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