She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
