oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
