Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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