Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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