I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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