Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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