if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
