I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
