K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
