My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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