I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
