So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
