Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
