This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
