my room smells like sperm. sweet.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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