Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
My life is pants optional.
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