i don't plan on having that self control this summer
My cat gives me a boner
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
