You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
You are a booty call, not a friend.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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