was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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