You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
