my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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