Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
