Well apparently he's into motor boating.
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
