I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
