I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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