Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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