I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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