I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
This girl is more easily done than said...
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Randomize