it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
