Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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