So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
