Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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