I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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