Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
