Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
The adults are the big ones right?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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