Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
