tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
my being single is dangerous.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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