Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I'm really busy with my period
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
