got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
