why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
