i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
vagina is talking i cant
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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