I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
