Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
