Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
