Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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