matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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