You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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