i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
