Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Randomize