Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Non-Jews are for practice
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
