Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
he thought i was a dude.
Four minutes until I can fart!
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
