one two three fourrrrnication!
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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