Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
