Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
