I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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