Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
