i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
