JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
