remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize