I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Do vagina's smell?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
