are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
