It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
