Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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