You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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