I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
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