Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
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