just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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