Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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