Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
