Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
