my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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